Hi all! Today I would like to share my testimony which many of you have never heard before I believe? Haha! Many see me as a really jovial person, who is very crazy, sometimes loony and all! But I wasn't like that at all in the past! It begins like this:
Since I was young, I have a very very strict and hot-tempered father(I love him!) who would show me love in a completely different manner which I cannot accept. Both my brother and I would get caned by him whenever we misbehave. Belts, branches, plastic chairs, hangers, you name it, we tried it. Haha! My family is one that really love me but can't express their love openly like all the other adults in our generation.
Harsh physical disciplinary actions was part of our lives. My brother and I would deeply hate our father! To be honest, my brother and I would always plot on how we can torture him when we grow up!(I have since repented!) I don't know what is love is like when I was young. There was this void in me, this void like a bottomless pit that nothing can fill.
Since I was young, I wanted to know that there is a greater being is in control of my life. As I was taught by my mom about buddhism, I really ask 'buddha' to enlighten me! Haha! Just for your info(FYI), I also had a 'fa hao' like Jaslyn Tay!!(translated as buddhist name in English) I would pray to 'buddha' when I am afraid and sad, chanting "na mo a mi tuo fo" like what my mom would tell me. Nothing happens. Haha!
When in Primary 2, a teacher called my name, I stood out and walk to the front. She said in front of the whole class that I walk like a jellyfish, and ever since then, my nightmare started. Since then, everybody would disturb me by calling me jellyfish. As I got older in primary school, I wanted to defend myself, I wanted revenge! So, I would get into fights in which I lose many! I was also very skinny in my primary school days.
From Primary 2 all the way to Primary 6, this term jellyfish is akin to my name. This name 'Eugene' is as good as forgotten. What's worse, I went on from Saint Andrew's Junior school to Saint Andrew's Secondary school. So, the nickname-calling continued on for another 4 years, although it got lesser but there were some who were really intent in breaking me! Haha! This time, the fights got worse. I got beaten by rugby players. I fought with 3 guys at a time, and naturally, I got beaten up! For 10 whole years of my childhood, got disturbed, called names!
As for my parents, they are very protective of me! I remember, the first time I watched my first movie with my friends when I was in Secondary 3! Can you believe that? Haha! As a result, I am overprotected.
As a result, I am a insecure person. I wasn't a bad student, just insecure, lonely in my heart, low self-esteem. Never thought that I was meant for Greatness. I went on to search for something substantial to fill the void that was in my heart. Wanted to mix with bad company to find acceptance. Learnt from 'friends' to watch pornography. Vulgarities would come out of my mouth like it's free! Scolding such stuff is 'hip'.
I would look at pictures, say Andy Lau for example, and wished that I can even have half of his good looks.(God bless you Andy Lau!) I wanted to be cool, I wanted to be hip, I proceeded to become a shadow of others. Know some girls which I had a crush on. Wanted to know them better, but they rejected me, big blow! As a result, even lower self-esteem!
I did want to know God more, raise my hand during a altar call in my school religious week. No one saw it, no one made the effort to bring me to God. Went with my friend's brother to another church.
For the past 15 years, I merely existed. Going school, going home, eat, sleep. Insecure, low self-esteem, was suicidal on a few occasions. Wanted to just die and end it all but I never had the courage to kill myself. I would remember me calling out to God, "Why? God? Are You there?" I felt that no one love me. Friendless, aimless and goalless, without vision in life. Lonely I came, lonely I am as I leave this world.
One day, a female friend that I know(only a handful at that point of time) asked whether do I want to go to Church. I agreed. Before that, I already went to another Church, but was not impressed when their members slept during service.
I went in my best attire at that point of time! Tees plus basketball pants and shoes! Haha! I was shocked when I see so many people at Kallang MRT. We were celebrating Easter. I didn't know of City Harvest, that it was so big. I thought we were going to a traditional church(nothing wrong with that!).
My cell group members would take the initiative to talk to me! We travelled to Singapore Indoor Stadium(SIS). Had Praise and Worship. During Praise, I was quite shocked at how 'high' the audience were, clapping, dancing, jumping and singing their hearts out. During Worship, I was quite freaked out with all that raising of hands and speaking in tongues, which to me at that point of time, was really really weird!
Pastor preached. I was half-awake, trying hard not to fall asleep! During the drama, it was really entertaining! Had a few good laughs although I forgot how it was already! But one thing I can never forget was when 'Jesus' was stripped', tortured, made to carry the Cross and walk towards the Stage(Which is the place of Calvary, the Bible calls it the land of Skull, heh). All of a sudden, I felt that I was really loved. Tears rolls down. And I cried and cried and cried. Didn't know it was God, but at that point of time, I felt God telling me, "I love you, for who you are, NOTHING you do can change Me loving you."
I wanted to know this God more. I desire to know Him, so I walked down the staircase when Pastor Kong asked us to come down. I walked down, all geeky, in my 'best' attire! Haha!
That very day, I accepted Jesus into my heart. The void, the hole in my heart is finally filled! Pastor Kong then asked if anybody needed healing to raise his hands. I have this dent in my skull after being hit by a badminton racket when I was in Primary 2, and also some problems with my knee cap. When pastor prayed for us, I felt warmth on the areas I needed healing. And the dent on my skull seems to have inflated! It's still there, but it's a testimony of God's love for me. My knee cap got healed! I previously would sometimes have some difficulties when walking up the stairs because of the pain in my knees. Miracle!
But a life with Jesus is challenging! (Wide is the way that leads to destruction. Narrow is the way that leads to life!) Greatly did God bless me when I was saved, greatly my trials and tribulations came! Went back home and told my mom I am a christian. All hell broke loose. I purposefully read aloud the Gospel of Luke which was given to me in the New friend's packet!(Friends, please don't try this at home!) My mom would threaten to disown me, cut my pocket money and confiscate my handphone. She told my father. I was strangled by my father once. Immediately after I became a christian, my pocket money was cut from $5 a day to $2.50 a day! 50%!! Handphone was also confiscated. Thanks to Monica(cgl), Hong Bin and Simon who continued to pray for me! Praise the Lord, within 2 weeks, I got my pocket money reinstated, and my handphone returned to me! What my mom said forever, God turned it to 2 weeks! Today, no more parental objection!(PO)
Immediately, after I accepted Christ, lots of challenges already! The friend that brought me to Church went MIA! I went to my first cell group meeting, all by myself!! Thank God I came! Hong Bin would make the effort to meet me and go down to Simon's place with me. He would also make the effort to ask me out and treat me to lunch and stuff. Thanks Hong Bin!! I love you man!
The people were really kind, and Monica encouraged me to share my testimony of 'God healing me' to the cg during cgm. I felt belonged. I desire to know God. I immediately went to buy a Bible even though I didn't know that the Bibles have different versions! The Bible I bought(NASB), is still with me today! You will see me using it, it cost $13! Very ex for me at that point of time! The cheapest Bible I can find in Life bookstore!
Life got better, and bitter sometimes, but God would always sustain me. Slowly but surely, through the Love of God, through the Love of my members, I changed to have more confidence in myself, having a better and better self-esteem of myself. I made many new friends. Vulgarities slowly left my life. I would slap myself like Julia(learnt from her) when she says a bad word! If I say f***, I would slap myself 4 times. Slowly, I kicked my bad habits one by one. FYI, many of my members thought that I never spoke a word of vulgarities, but sorry, I am not as good as you think I am! Haha! I became more positive in life!
There was this atmosphere of Faith and Love in the cell group and church.
After months in Church, one fine cell group meeting, I finally managed to let go of something bitter in my life. Hong Bin was preaching and he asked if there is anyone who had a grudge to release it to God. I raised my hand. Apparently, Hong Bin didn't see my hand.(Hong Bin, I forgive you, Haha!) I asked Monica who was sitting beside me to pray for me. I told her that I wanted to release the grudge I had against my father. When she prayed for me, I felt the Love of God flowing into my heart, taking away the pains I so dearly hold against my father. I teared and teared and teared. I finally release the grudge.
Simon, my mentor would always encourage me. When I have problems, I would always call him. He actually lent me money for my first dance class! (Thanks Simon!)
Today, I really want to thank God. For without Him, my life wouldn't be complete. After many moulding sessions and applying what we learnt from Pastor into my life, today, I have a good self-esteem of myself. I am very confident of myself! I love my family, I love my father. I began to love myself and share the love with members and friends. Never in my life did I think that I would have a girlfriend, but today I am loved by my dear Tong Yan. I learnt dancing, I learnt singing, I learnt drumming. I was in Strikeforce and Choir and graduated from O school from all 3 Hip Hop class. I became a sharper dresser!(I was really sloppy last time!) I am rising up in cell group. I became one of the strongest speakers in my class. I found out some of the many talents that God gave me. I have visions and goals to achieve in life. Most importantly, I found the Love of my life(Not referring to Tong Yan!), God, who filled the void that is in me.
So what if I am not as good-looking as Andy Lau? My God, cg members, church members, family and dear loves me.(I am good-looking in Jesus name!) I am Reuel Eugene Tay Hao Yang, no one else!
Not only was I blessed, my family, who was looked down upon by others because we were poor last time(My dad used to be a lorry driver!), today we live in a Condo 'Kovan Melody'! I would want to attribute that to God really, without Him all is not possible.
Indeed God can and will use the weak, to shame the proud.
1 Corinthians 13:7 says "Love never fails."
Indeed His Love will never fail.
This is my story, my testimony of the Great Big God I served. Every word I type here is true. Many of you wonder why I am so 'on fire' for my God. Now you know why! Haha! Dear friends, maybe you have yet to receive Christ, I just want you to know that THERE IS a God who loves you who looks beyond the superficial, if God can use me, a delinquent, weak youth, love me and accept me for who I am, He can love you too!
What is your story?
